I was watching the news just now, and one of the stories is about how the top Los Angeles lifeguards make some $392,000 a year. Some people are incredibly upset about this and feel that taxpayers are being robbed.

So really what it is, is people who don’t live or work in the city getting jealous that a handful of professional life-savers and death-preventers, hence the term “lifeguard”, are making a mediocre living in one of the most expensive places on Earth. And these are just the TOP lifeguards, proven experts in their occupation. These aren’t junior lifeguards blowing whistles and throwing a styrofoam ring. They’re man and women in peak athletic performance, trained specifically for pulling humans out of the ocean.

The report did specifically mention that the average career lifeguard at a pool makes about $45,000 a year. So basically poverty level in LA. And also the majority of lifeguards.

The ocean is the deadliest thing on Earth. Undertows, jellies, sharks, tidal waves, swimmer pee…everything about the ocean is designed to kill you. You can’t even drink it without dying! The ocean puts Australia to shame when it comes to killing humans.

Most people who go to the beach are smart enough, or at least obedient enough, to stay in safe areas of water. Due to the large number of humans concentrated in most lifeguard-guarded beaches, there is very rarely any significant interaction with wildlife. It certainly happens, and you can bet your bottom dollar that when it does, an olive-tanned greek God of a beach hunk will be there with a red floaty to help pull your unfortunate self to safety and apply first aid.

For the remainder of humans seeking a Darwin award, they end up going dangerously far out of the “safe zone”. They might be going deeper than they can handle and encounter and undertow, or get overtaken unexpectedly by a wave. Maybe they’re even tempting fate with the ocean just for fun. After all, they know their limits, and fun is fun. Until suddenly you’re just a bit too tired or the waves just keep coming, or the current suddenly gets stronger….

When you see your friend start to drown, I dare you to to go save him yourself. After all, $300,000 is way too much for a professional to save a life. Except that after you reach the powerful ocean current trapping your friend, you find yourself also trapped, bashing heads and going unconscious. Everything goes black and then suddenly you awaken to a bright light as you vomit seawater and fear.

Is $300,000 still too much to have paid the former NAVY Seal who just saved your life instead of working on her tan? Should she have chosen a profession that doesn’t involved saving your lives?

Look, cities waste lots of money on lots of things,. And Los Angeles has no lack of poor expenditures to be criticized for. The salary of lifeguards isn’t one of them. It’s also probably a lot cheaper to pay a handful of people an average salary to do a potentially lethal job than it is to ban ocean swimming within the city limits.