Chicken Kiev
I searched for Chicken Kiev because it sounded exotic. More exotic than Chicken Croquet to be sure. I do like the presentation. It’s simple, but vibrant. Nice bright green asparagus, steamed perfectly. You can tell a lot about a piece of asparagus by looking just at the tip. Just the tip. One would think that mushy tips indicate a mushy stalk, but a lot of commercial cooks like to pretend that they didn’t make a mistake.
Which brings me to my main point about chicken kiev - DO NOT ORDER THIS SHIT IN A RESTAURANT. The majority of restaurants trying to serve stuffed meats, particularly poultry, don’t have enough time to allocate to each diner’s entree to properly cook the croquet. I’m not opposed to utilizing a microwave by any means, but that means the breading won’t be crispy. I can tell you from experience that deep-frying a log of chicken won’t cook the chicken all the way through. Matter of fact, I’d be wary of ordering any kind of fried chicken that is prepared in-house, but that’s another discussion altogether.
If you are at an establishment that it’s normal for diners to wait 40 minutes for an exquisite entree (the dish above ain’t selling for $90, bro, just saying) then you aren’t buying the goddamn stuffed chicken. That’s stupid.
Now if you want to make this at home, it really isn’t hard. You can make it super easy on yourself by buying cleaned chicken breasts and pounding them….OMFG you don’t know what I mean “Pound chicken”? TENDERIZE. Whack with a meat mallet.
Alright son, get yourself a cutting board (Wood is not preferred, and glass is a big NO), and some saran wrap. Lay some plastic on the board, slap your meat on the plastic, and cover with more plastic. Then proceed to hit it with your meat tenderizer (it’s a mallet, usually with different sized “teeth” on the sides of the head). It’s really not a difficult concept.
Anyway, Chicken Kiev - GREAT idea for making dinner at home for date night. With being able to plan for extra time you can bake it at a low heat , like 300 degrees, so that you get crispy breading around your fully cooked chicken. (All poultry in the US is contaminated with unsafe levels of salmonella. Tbh I wouldn’t even trust that medium rare duck breast you got from a restaurant unless you know where it was sourced from and whether or not the ducks were raised in a feedlot).
So good idea for impressing your redneck girlfriend that prefers Hamburger Helper and Budweiser, and an absolutely awful idea for dining out.
Oh and that sauce is like 90% butter. For real you could reduce some white wine with herbs, then butter your way to sweet silky consistency. If you can’t afford saffron (you can’t) to get a nice vibrant yellow, you could use a bit of turmeric or chicken base… Whatever doesn’t really matter, it’s almost entirely butter because we in the industry know that whether you’re blue collar or born into money, you’re still a fat slob that would drink the “chef’s specialty sauce” by the pint if you could. And you’ll pay handsomely for the privilege.
Alright fatties, go forth and Kiev your lady into trying that thing you’ve been pushing her about.
