Keep buying marijuana, obviously. Hell, go ahead and even smoke some of it. Not legal where you live? Who the hell cares. How many laws do you break everyday? Are you really going to make distinctions between non-violent offenses, such as jaywalking, loitering, and illicit drug use? Jaywalking, btw, doesn’t actually exist where you live. It is real, but not an actual offense of any kind in most places. …Are there consequences on the internet for telling people to use drugs? Probably not unless I link it to Hunter Biden somehow.

Honestly, you really didn’t even need to click this article. The headline says it all. Just for some context, though, here’s the scenario.

A colleague, who had formerly expressed general disinterest when I first started investing and was making $20 a week, informed me that he had recently purchased cannabis stocks. I responded, as any reasonable person would, by asking “Why?”, in the most condescending manner possible.

Right away I actually felt bad (only a little). Dude just wanted to start a conversation. I didn’t attempt to correct myself, that’d be retarded. And after forgetting that I ever cared, I thought about how I actually do care. I certainly don’t want to discourage someone from investing …. NO. STRIKE THAT THOUGHT. Not because I -want- to discourage anyone, but what kind of shitass terrible friend would I be if I didn’t at least suggest to the guy that buying weed stocks is for poor people, not white people? (I can distinguish between poor people and white people in 2021, Joe Biden made it acceptable).

“But Rocky!"“, you say, “What’s the Eff is your problem, man?! So what if someone wants to make some money on cannabis. You sell SNDL calls and puts on a weekly basis!”. And you know something? You’re absolutely right.

MY F@!#ing PROBLEM

My problem is that jumping into the market for the first time with no knowledge of anything, the very first thing you do should never be Buy Weed. Highschool ended several decades ago. Keep smoking pot, but I’m just saying., this should just be obvious.

Even the laziest Lycos search will show you that the first time weed was legalized, it proved that cannabis stocks performed well only initially. There’s only a few companies that are even successful. Aurora, off the top of my head. Sundial NO, and I’ll explain why in a minute. Buying in right now when there’s basically a tiny little weensy little wannabe bubble is obviously a bad time for a new player to buy in. Also it’s not even a real bubble, it’s another Reddit Pump n Dump.

Here’s a hint, when Reddit tells you to buy a certain stock because it’ll “Take down the bad guys” or whatever idiocy they profess these days, get yourself crap tons of cheap puts. Heck do ‘em a month or two out, since the prices won’t drop back immediately. (That will take a certain threshold of teen suicides before people temporarily realize that placing bets on Wall Street based off Reddit trolls is a horrible idea).

Again, it’s not like people aren’t making money. And Sundial will always be popular and volatile, there’s always a new batch of college kids ready to buy the cheapest weed stock on Robinhood. You can definitely use that to your advantage. Thing is, the first time investor/trader whose first words about it are “I haz teh weeds stocks”… Bro, your reasons might make sense to you now, but you’re wrong. Just don’t.

The Moral of the Story?

If your friend tells you she started investing by buying weed stocks, slap his dumb ass and take her weed.

Your friend changed gender mid-interaction because hitting women is wrong. Even when they deserve it.