This week will be angry and depressing.

Pull chains are a terrible idea for controlling office lighting. Or any lighting for that matter.

And don’t even think about trying to hire a professional to deal with a broken chain! It’ll cost you less to replace the entire fixture than the service fee for just a diagnosis!

”But Rocky!”, you say, “What about a local handyman?”. NO At that point you might as well pony up the dollars, because an unlicensed, unbonded, untrained “handyman” can only make things worse. Think of “handymen” like weed stocks. Just avoid them like the plague.

1. NAK - $0.32/share, monthly options. Settlement checks have been distributed, so that’s one less pain in the ass for Northern Dynasty to deal with.
   
   We’re all in on the Pebble Project. Diamond hands 100p.
   
   
   

2. AWP - $4.36/share, annualized yield of 10.8%, distributed monthly. You really can’t go wrong with any Aberdeen fund.
   
   We’re holding this in our OTC portfolio for some reason. At least the above-average return helps offset some ADR fees from other positions.
   
   This is your reminder to make sure that you aren’t holding ADRs that give you only fees. We’re giving a pass to Rolls Royce. Generally speaking though, if there’s no dividend or weekly options, try to minimize exposure to ADRs.
   
   
   

3. SVNLF - $10.49/share, 11.6% annualized. That’s really all we know about this Pink Sheet listing, but we like the name, Svenska Handelsbanken. Sounds financial.
   
   Double-digit share price for pink sheets isn’t particularly uncommon, but it’s usually a good sign.
   
   Again, we’re just going on the only piece of information that matters - the name!
   
   
   

4. BLK - $871.29/share, 2.33% yield distributed quarterly, options trade weekly.
   
   This is Blackrock. The biggest, most evil, wealthiest company known to man.
   
   Okay that’s not 100% true, but we’ve been trained to associate Blackrock with the ominous and mysterious “They”.
   
   So let’s say that “They” really are the evil powers that be. What do we do about it? We buy common stock and vote our shares! If you truly believe they are responsible for horrors untold and wield unimaginable influence, then it is your responsibility to own shares and vote how you see fit!
   
   
   

5. FANG - $181.65/share, 5.84% yield distributed quarterly. Options trade weekly.
   
   Diamondback Energy. They exploit onshore oil and natural gas reserves in the Permian Basin.
   
   Snap! We don’t know a lot, but we do know the Permian Basin pumps loads of oil and methane!