I was just going to copy/paste from whatever first result I got from Google, and of course add some kind of retarded affiliate link.

Then I saw the top responses. I assume they’re all equally terrible and filled with affiliate links and unrelated ads. That’s a given for any top ranking website. What I didn’t see coming, but probably should have, was the lack of any useful information.

I didn’t even need to visit any page, since the SEO descriptions all say pretty much the same thing. "Just Accept Yourself.” Yeah, but how? “Do these 8 things. 1. Accept yourself for who you are.” What? Yeah no shit, Sherlock, that’s what we’re trying to do. But how? “Just be yourself, and be happy with who you are.” Yes, that is generally good advice, but HOW?

I’m not above copying/pasting stuff to make magic internet money. In fact, it’s what I’m all about. I suck at it, but that’s why we’re not betting the farm on being able to sell books about How To Make Your Parrot Stop Biting. Actually, that book is worth buying because it gives you actual information about HOW to make your parrot stop biting. What about How to Accept Yourself?

Okay, done hammering on the How conundrum. Next, I’m going to copy/paste one of the lists that are supposed to be the solution. Afterwards, we’ll discuss how to actually achieve self-acceptance. Not the Wiki one, that’s 15 goddamn steps. Since when did Wiki get so try-hard? Screw wikis.

1. Consciously prevent negative thinking patterns

Alright, yeah, that’s solid advice. Matter of fact, this nugget of wisdom saves me from having to…type literally the exact same thing. Recognizing and avoiding negative thoughts goes a long way towards being happier in general, regardless of how little you accept yourself.

2. Accept your imperfections

BULLSHIT. It only took two steps to bring me back to my whole point of frustration to begin with. Is Nike sponsoring these people? Just Do It is great advice when you know how to f’ing do it.

3. Use positive self-talk

This is super gay and I’m not going to brag to my coworkers about my positive self-talk I did in the morning. Actually, I might, but I’m retarded and eccentric. Normal people keep this crap to themselves.

That being said, positive self-talk is extremely effective. You won’t notice it working, but just commit to a few minutes every day and in a year you’ll be able to appreciate the benefit it brought you. Or don’t, idgaf what you do.

4. Disregard what other people might think about your decisions

YES. THIS. This is like, 75% of the whole deal. Stop giving a F*** what other people think. You don’t owe them anything. How important are they, anyway? Are they coworkers? Your burnout friends from college? Your family that wants nothing to do with you? Who are these terrible people that you want to impress so badly?

F ‘em. You are the only person that matters. Actually, no F you, too. I’m the only person that matters. Incidentally, I also love and accept myself for all my flaws and mistakes, past and future.

5. Avoid worrying

99% of all the crap you worry about either involves other people, or is not something you can do anything about. When you start to worry about stupid crap, remind yourself that by this time tomorrow the crisis will have resolved itself, with or without your observation and/or intervention.

Oh no, your kids aren’t home on time and their phones are off, dear Lord, time to freak out. Oh wait, they’re kids…they’re probably stealing beer from their friend’s neighbor’s garage fridge and smoking cigarettes that their other friend’s cool sister bought for everyone.

When they don’t turn up for free meal time, then it’s time to worry. With this in mind, how much energy do you really need to invest in wondering if the IRS is going to audit you because you didn’t declare $0.87 in dividends on your TradeStation account?

6. Try your best and accept that you’ve done what you could

When you’ve put forth an honest effort, you’ll have no regrets. That day, that hour, that minute where you fail is going to suck and you’ll probably hate yourself and want to cry. But after a good a night’s rest, you’ll get over it and be happy that you gave it the old college try.

7. Focus on your positive qualities

Ehh, I mean…yes, I agree, but this is sort of like telling you to just accept yourself. Odds are you, don’t recognize any positive qualities in yourself. In fact, you may not even have any positive qualities. In all likelihood, you don’t. You’re a terrible person and we all hate you.

Here’s a ShortCut Solution To Accepting Yourself!

Alright, so how do we go about accepting ourselves? A huge part of it is just not giving thought to what other people think. It’s normal to always think that people are always thinking about you, judging you, criticizing you silently…and there are certainly people you will meet that do that. Usually some fat pudge at work who will never achieve anything in life besides showing up for work. /golfclap

The reality is, most people don’t think about you much at all. For real, they don’t. You just aren’t important enough. They’re more focused on the most important person. Me.

Just kidding, they’re totally in love with themselves. And you can be, too! In love with yourself, I mean, not those losers.