With investing these days being accessible to anyone with a Boostmobile phone (not really a joke anymore, they’re a solid company that does more for the working class customer than Sprint or Verizon. Yes, I know they’re owned by Sprint), there’s no lack of advice/suggestions/personal takes on the whole thing by the internet at large.

That’s all well and good, but what about people like me? I love to gamble. I don’t even care if I win, but it certainly helps. I also love to adhere to a budget. That’s right folks, here at Rockydennispresents we like to budget our vices. Alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, gambling, dating, whatever kind of vice that is rewarding up-front, but long-term drains your bank account faster than your arrears.

“Rocky, my man, what in the hell are you talking about now? Are you cooking meth again in your trailer?” First of all, I sold the trailer. Second of all, I’m talking about planning your gambling ahead. I decide that I want to spend $100 a week on lotto tickets, or maybe save that $100/week for a couple months then go to Motorcity. Regardless, I’ve already come to terms with the fact that my $100 is GONE before I spend it. And sometimes it comes back with interest.

So if we’re (you and me) are comfortable spending $100 a week with nothing tangible, or even intangible, to show for it…we need a better game. That’s where I fire up Robinhood and buy stock in some volatile mining company. After making $3-4 over two hours, happy with my 2 cent-at-a-time gains, I come to two conclusions. First, I need more money, period. Being poor sucks. But second, and possibly more importantly, I need a plan.

The Rockydennis Investment Plan, or RIP, has so far come up with the following plan. First, instead of saving money in a bank account (aside from bill paying and such), put that money into growth stocks. Something that pays reliable dividends. I’m looking at you, Exxon. After that, it’s time to play. Time to dump my $100 disposable gambling money into…well who cares, throw a dart. Now we can either drink 8 Red Bulls and geek out day-trading, or just do some short-term buying/selling. WHATEVER, we’re having fun. But what do we do with our gains?

Dividends, reinvest, obviously. If you’re making the kind of gains that cover your car payment, then RIP is not going to apply to you. Take your silver spoon and GTFO.

So after a day, a week, a month…my $100 that I put into Made-Up Industry Inc. is now worth $200. Holy jumping f*@# in my pipe! I’m gonna take that initial $100, buy something else. Maybe more of the same. Whatever, that money is ready to start the process over. Next, I’ll put $50 (50% of my gains) into a dividend paying stock. That leaves me with $50 to take to the bar, OR re-invest further into something random, or add to my IRA, or buy a 10,000th of a share of Amazon.

The amount of time spent typing this out is about as much time as this all holds my interest. But taking a step back and analyzing my finances, by gambling on investments I end up preserving what miniscule wealth I have, and, typically making money. In a sense, I literally cannot lose money that was already marked as a loss. Make sense?

There’s a larger lesson here - Mental Gymnastics can be used for good. As much time as you spend convincing yourself that you’re not an alcoholic and your morning shakes are just because of that leftover General Tsao’s Chicken, you can spend some of that time convincing yourself that you’re still spending money, while also saving, in addition to actually making money. All at once. plus you get to satisfy your gambling jones. And if you get too addicted, maybe you’ll cut back on cigarettes and Mickey’s to fund your next purchase of Bitcoin,

Loosely-related Affiliate Link for beginning options investing. Seems like BS, but I bet it’s an entertaining read.